How does one become an intimacy expert? It’s not an obvious career path. There’s no intimacy qualification. Careers Guidance Counsellors aren’t luring graduates to the Intimacy Profession with the promise of a Golden Handshake! So many bad jokes are just itching to get out…!!
But the real question is how does one become an expert in anything?
There are two main schools of thought:
1. Follow the conventional path – get as many qualifications and as high up the qualification ladder as possible, and dazzle people with all the letters before/after your name!
2. Follow the unconventional path – combine ‘at the coalface’ experience gained at the school of life, with a wide/broad variety of ‘qualifications’, and be seen as a ‘jack of all trades and master of none’!
Neither is necessarily more right than the other; people are free to choose which approach resonates best for them but if you’re still labouring under the belief that your success is more ‘deserved’ if you work hard, pay your dues, get the ‘right’ qualifications, work your way up the proverbial ladder and then your success will be deservedly yours, you’re going to find your buttons pressed by folk who don’t believe that and still achieve the same (or better) success than you!
Most of the people we admire are not people who’ve followed the conventional kind of path…
There’s a whole swathe of people who have zero qualifications and yet have made a MASSIVE impact in their corners of the world, helping people make the changes they initially made themselves…Lea ‘grew up’ online over a decade ago surrounded by folk like Ramit Sethi, Chris Guillebeau, and Leo Babauta at the forefront of this revolution.
It’s no surprise then that the people we’re still drawn to are the creatives who dare to think outside what’s already there, to bring fresh eyes to a problem and approach things from different angles.
Mavericks, Pioneers & The Unconventional…
Kim Anami is a sex and relationship coach, vaginal weightlifter and surfer. She’s not a certified sex coach by any professional body, she’s had a wacky and interesting life immersing herself in Eastern philospohy, Tantra and trans-personal psychology.
She’s learnt from experience and passion and that comes across in spades in her work. Her knowledge and ability to move people forward oozes out of her and off the pages of her website and testimonials because she’s lived this for herself and GOT RESULTS. Check out this podcast of hers here.
Denise Duffield Thomas is a money coach who notoriously manifested a whole host of amazing things, including a round the world, year-long trip with her husband. She didn’t train as a financial advisor, she won’t talk to you about the state of the dollar or where to invest your bucks. What she will do is guide you through a whole host of much deeper work about your money beliefs, how they keep you stuck in a place of lack, and, crucially, how to develop an abundance mindset because she has done that for herself and thousands of others and got huge results.
Dr Christiane Northrup may be a bona fide Dr, getting the ‘right’ qualifications and studying hard, paying her dues BUT, she’s utterly woo woo in that she offers her medical perspective from a mind-body perspective acknowledging the importance of many of the things that conventional Drs deem irrelevant. She looks holistically at her patients including their diet, psychology, childhood experiences, emotional world.
Moreover, unlike many conventional Drs she runs an online business sharing her vast experience. Quite unusual especially for a woman in her sixties. She has found her message from personal experience and GOT RESULTS working with her many patients. Check out one of her blog posts here.
All three of these women show up in the world in interesting, unique and surprising ways. Each one of them has honed their particular skills, their personal experience and translated that into getting results for themselves and other people.
So who the hell are we to talk about intimacy as if we’re some kind of experts?
It would be very easy for at least one of us to go into a place of “But we’re not qualified enough. We haven’t done X, Y and Z. Why on earth should people listen to us?”…and yet if it’s ok for ‘them’, why is it not ok for us?
Becky’s time and training in therapy and Lea’s coaching training and experience started us on a road that once we came out and got together led to us exploring this intimate relationship with ourselves more fully as we put it into practice in a new way, together. There’s nothing more intimate and challenging than being in a relationship where both people are invested in growth and being seen, on a DAILY basis!
What we soon realised was that while we thought we knew ourselves pretty darn well there was still a lack of honesty – of intimacy – with ourselves that being together highlighted. Just like the proverbial peeling back the layers of an onion we discovered there were more layers of ourselves to be peeled back and explored (and there still are!).
What we also realised was that this lack of intimacy with ourselves had massive, knock-on effects in all areas of our lives – our health, abundance, friendships, careers and more. Not only do we continue to deepen our intimacy practice every single day, in showing up and being seen, we help others do this too.
[Side note: You can read more about our own intimacy journey here].
Suffice to say we’ve earned and continue to earn our stripes at the coalface of intimacy on a daily basis. We’ve read, absorbed, argued, processed, therapised, cocked it up, felt utterly connected and utterly disconnected. We know a thing or two about this intimacy lark. So who the hell are we not to talk about intimacy?!